oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize