I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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