we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
