You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize