Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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