She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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