ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
