my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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