I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You ate ashes out of my bong
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
