member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
