So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
