I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
