Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
not ubering you a puppy
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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