Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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