the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
