I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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