ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Small penises have feelings too.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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