It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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