There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
