Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
