so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
