it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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