I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
