Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
