I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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