Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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