I've blown a few things in my day
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
