When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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