Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
