Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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