I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
