Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
