Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
