Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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