He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize