Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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