I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
