its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Randomize
