stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
