East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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