She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
