Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
They took my balls.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
