He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
