im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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