Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
