Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
