This girl is more easily done than said...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
