she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
