i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
