i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
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