After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
