I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
