If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
