Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
