Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
