i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
worst night to have a conscience
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
