Buhtt sex?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
