New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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