I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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