i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
