I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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