I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
