I'm going to jail i love you
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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