Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
