i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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