the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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