i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
