I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Of course I have a pirate flag
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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