After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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