I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
A+ Viking dick
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
