I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
