dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
